tell me if i did a good job

[reaperofreapers]

the clouds are turning blood red the air in raccoon city is getting filthy and the sight of one mans organs getting munched on by sickos from the view in your apartment the gun fire gets louder every second and you just lose it

[reaperofreapers]

these are four of the ones i remember sense made them before these are code names lieutenant Reaper.the medic of the 20 known survivors
Sargent wolf.the heavy gunner of the 20 known survivors
mister don aka mister sandman. he is the scout of the 20 known survivors

and ghost.he got lost in raccoon city at jay's bar he was never found

[Ashe]

What you wrote isn't bad, it gives a rather vivid visualization. However you must work on the punctuation and capitalization of certain words, like the first word in a sentence, or proper names. A lot of people wouldn't even bother to read it with those things not fixed. Also when you get more done, be sure to double space between paragraphs... No one likes a huge wall of text...

I look forward to seeing more.

[reaperofreapers]

pt 1

the apartment 5th floor.......ah crap the powers out. [wolf] I know that but we need to get to the streets and find sandman and ghost. [reaper] gun fire in the background. hey reaper it came from the 2nd floor lets get down there [wolf] OK lets take the stairs [reaper]

apartment 4th floor..... oh crap zombie are coming up the stairs [wolf] kick that door open [reaper] *wolf kicks the door open and runs in with reaper* where to now is the rope still in room 104 [reaper] wolf opens door and finds a survivor . are you OK [reaper] yes I'm OK [?] what is your name [reaper] my name is Angela Ashford. follow me [reaper] i cant stand up [Angela] OK get on my back wolf cover me [reaper] wolf ties rope to window and climbs out and then reaper follows

in front of apartment in the gates ........ sandman is yelling . Angela try to run to my swat apc in front of jays bar oh here is a 9mm berraetta [reaper]

end of pt 1

[reaperofreapers]

i know i missed spelled the gun name in pt 1

[reaperofreapers]

character bios

[reaper] [age 22] [gender male] a tactical expert and a old squad member from hunk's squad he is not the guy who likes his Friends or family hurt.

[wolf] [age 50] [gender male] a Martial arts fighter he is more the support gunner and is a veteran in the Vietnam war.

[sandman] [age19] [gender male] he was a fighting reporter.

[ghost] [age 19] [gender female] she is the recruit of reaper's squad and is a nice hider

[Ashe]

As I mentioned, what you write isn't bad. It gives a vivid image, allowing the reader to visualize what they are reading. But you MUST work on punctuation and capitalization. Normally I wouldn't bother with reading something in that format. It's too annoying. You will get a much better reception of your work if you fix these few things.

[reaperofreapers]

oh ok im just not so good at that but the real fan book im making is way much more better

[Ashe]

As I said earlier, write it while in Word and you can do spell checking and grammar checking with that. It will detect spelling errors automatically, marking them with a red squiggly line, for grammar just run the check with the grammar options you want checked picked. I'm not so good with grammar and spelling at times myself, and write most of my stuff in Word for that reason.